What Single Moms Want in a Man?

Every single mom harbours certain preferences in a man whom she will date! At first, the moms can be a bit terrified at the idea of dating after having a child. However, there are ways by which the relationship can be revved-up, adding romance and spark in it. Single moms indeed want more time to fit into a relationship. However, they do not want any boring or dull relationships simply because they have kids. They, like any other person dating, want their men to understand them and not to pay heed to any unsolicited advice that society might throw at them. Single moms face various dilemmas while trying to get back into dating, and there are certain things that they want from their men.

Moms do not want their men to play their daddies

Single mothers are not always looking for a responsible and sincere father for their children in the man she is interested in. That never means it is restricted to interact with her kids or talk about them, but try not to become too overbearing or opinionated about them. It might be part of the package, but they want men to rise about these stereotypes that generations have associated with the concept of single mother dating. Rather she looks forward to developing a sense of companionship with her- a bond that would fill the gaps in her life. She wants the man to treat her with personal affection and to make her feel wanted for who she is. Every woman has her identity beyond her familial lies and responsibilities. She would always vote to nurture the relationship by developing emotional intimacy and spending some quality time before she opens up to you!

She might not always be amiable

It is demanding for any dating single mom to main calm and poise at the face of a divorce, daunting work-life balance, or rearing a child through difficult times. Thus she wants a man who will understand the kind of pressure she is in and then accept it. Most of the women try to maintain a safe distance in a romantic affair for the sake of children. There will be days when she will want you to spend time by yourself till both of you finds the silver lining. After all, life is not like a movie, and each of the partners has the share of family expectations and professional demands. Under these circumstances, they will want you not to develop hatred, or grumble silently against them. Maybe she would love to get pampered or contemplate in solitude on some days when she is feeling all pessimistic and bleak. They want you to discover what she wants by understanding her, reading her mind, and developing a relationship of reverence with her friends. She would appreciate if you talk things out with her over a cup of coffee or a long walk when both of you are ready for it. Of course, she would hate if you jump into the problem straight away. This could throw both of you a little off guard, and make you both pretty impulsive.

She deserves the no-nonsense guy

Yes, she has gone through enough trauma and panic, and it is high time that she indulges herself into something nourishing. For the time being, she needs you to know how much you can tolerate in a relationship that now involves a child. She might not be ready to tolerate tantrums or whimsical demands just as yet. Therefore, she does not want to be forced into anything or making her enter into a heated discussion without realizing the long-term repercussions. A healthy amount of space is a prerequisite of any relationship, and moms do not want to be pressured under patriarchal presumptions from early on.

They do not want any rush

Dating single moms is not entirely a new subject that needs a special course on it. However, there might be exceptions, and things might take their turns. Moms do not want you to hurry to any decision and instead, they would like you to focus on the small day-to-day things that matter to a person. Might she secretly want you to go grocery shopping with her? Or cook her favourite dish? Dating is not merely comprised of fancy things! The woman would be glad if you help her with the daily chores as a friend would. Maybe she would like to share her hobbies with you, introduced to your private world, and doing some crazy things. Moms would never ask you to take the lead, but she needs the assurance of gradual development of mutual dependency that would bring both of you on the same page.

Her children are not a burden

If she is constantly getting the vibes from you about her kids being baggage, the chances are that the entire affair will crumble into pieces. She requires you to be friends with the child first before you expect him/her to love you unconditionally and consider you a family. A single mother who is dating wants her man to be understanding and often persistent in touch situations to develop a stronger bond. She would want to mitigate any feeling of hostility in her relationship with you. Establishing communication with the child would tremendously help her to adjust to the damages and demands of a divorce. For single mothers, a healthy relationship cannot foster if you make her feel that our children are a huge responsibility on your shoulders. No single woman wants to be felt like a damsel in distress where a knight comes to save her from miseries. She wants a little help to spend some time with kids and parents, instead of setting up romantic dates whenever she has a little time off. More importantly, women find it adorable in investing time with her man and child and yield to each other’s simple demands a family. Moms always want their partner to create an amicable bond with her child, one that is honest and devoid of pretentions.

She looks for a man who will be patient enough

One unexpected event may lead to the other and so on, but rather than complaining and severing communication, moms, want you to think it out. One needs to retain a lot of patience to understand the emotional dynamics of another person. Every single mom might be going through some legal problems, or facing an emotional void resulting from the constant tug of war. She might not always find the root cause of her behaviours and mood swings. In certain cases, she will not mind if you leave the matter just like that to see whether it can heal by itself. They certainly do not want you to poke her at every occasion about her matters. Moms would love if you take time out from your work and dial her up! Little gestures like these mean a lot to the moms who had a lot of trash to deal with. A mother dating another man often confronts with criticism, negativities, and complaints from the child. To her, each of these issues needs a lot of time to go away, and there is no magic wand with which she could solve them in a wink!

A man with flexibility is what she searches for

Given the fact that trying to spend rest of the life with another person is also about adjustments and reconciliations, single moms want that too! She would thus want a man who will understand when she cancels a date or reaches late to it. A single mom would want a man to understand her condition when she refuses your help, or shy away from sharing her personal life. They certainly do not want any accusation or blame game from their men. She needs some emotional maturity to help her smooth out the creases with time. She will also prefer a man who will communicate about his needs and what he is he feeling like with her. Clear communication will help her to absorb your perspective and turn things around in a matured way. To women, little adjustments create a whole different world and make both the people contend in the relationship.

Adjusting with her ex is a quality that she look for

Single moms certainly do not want the man they are dating to behave like the only man in the house. She might make room for her ex-husband to visit her child, take them out, and try to maintain the family unity just for the sake of the child. Moms will never like if you violently react or try to go against the visitations; it might bear a negative impact on both the mother and the child. She will admire if you try to blend into the family, maintain a relationship of respect and dignity for the other man. If you think the woman feels vulnerable in front of her ex, of course, she would like you to help her out in many different ways. But she would never want you to indicate any hint of antagonism or create a situation where each of the individuals feels threatened in each other’s presence. According to mothers, such an atmosphere tremendously affects the children and make them behave in a condescending manner. Mothers know the best about their children, and they would do well without the constant presence of a self-righteous man. It is a huge turn off, really! Dating a single mother is not just about the psychological complexities of you two, but also of the children’s who are growing up and trying to cope up with the new changes in their lives and this is something that single moms want their partners to understand.

Her chosen man will take things slow

Single moms might not jump at making things permanent with the man she is dating. She would certainly not want her man to do so either. She might not feel the spontaneity at the moments and would like to take baby steps and the other person to listen to her views on a subject. When single women with children date, society assumes that time is running out of their hands and pushes her to take significant decisions without considering future implications. Often this grows into resentment, and the mother feels pressured by her partner’s expectations. She would rather choose to chalk out the big things and proceed towards it with precision. To build a relationship, she needs to build a solid foundation lest it falls into pieces at the slightest provocation. Mother Dating a divorced or unmarried man might feel insecurity, jealousy, and mistrust if the man constantly dictates her. Every mom feels comfortable if the man takes it easy, watch each other’s favourite movies, and calculate before making a radical move in life. In some cases, she would favour to individually consult the child if he/she is of age, and ask about feedback. In this way, the child also feels desired and involved and try to adapt to the new changes that his/her parents are bringing into life.

Final words

Dating single mom is not about complicated tricks, expensive gifts, zero sex life, or about not wanting another child. Every relationship has its special requirements and requires a bit of fixing here and there. Single moms like any other person want their partners to bring the love into it to get it to see reciprocated by the other person. They want the man to understand that the pace of things varies from person to person, and the moment you compare your relationship to another’s you damage it perennially. No woman would want her man to approach the relationship in textbook terms, but rather like two mature adults, as she takes into rumination the practical limitations. Mothers do not desire to enter into a relationship with a lot of frustrations that would constantly budge her arousing irritation. It could be devastating, putting an end to all the efforts that both of you have put all along. The points mentioned above, more or less sum up what a single mother would want from her man.

By Sandra Da Silva