Ghosting does not involve an actual haunting of the supernatural kind. It is a term used to describe a different, yet also haunting experience, in the dating world. The term was first used in 2011, describing the situation where someone you have been chatting with, dating, or have been feeling really close to, suddenly disappears (like a ghost). Communication stops, or the person suddenly avoids you for some reason. It is very annoying and confusing. But, this happens a lot, especially in our modern society, where you can meet new people everyday, at the click of a button.
Before we dwell on the reason behind this, let’s first point out what ghosting really is and how it happens.
- Friendships – ghosting doesn’t only happen in romantic relationships. It also happens among friends. Friends who once were very close could lose communication because one of them doesn’t want to continue the relationship for some reason. The only problem is, he or she doesn’t let the other one know what the reason is. So, it leaves the him or her wondering what went wrong.
- Online romances – Many people meet potential lovers online. You may find yourself engaging in a flirty chat, which turns into a regular thing, for a few weeks, or even months. You thought that you have found someone you are compatible with, and you may have loved to bring things to another level. But, for some reason you will never know, he or she stops talking to you. And when you try to access his or her profile, you realize that you have been blocked. This kind of ghosting happens a lot these days.
- Dating – It also happens to people who are actually dating. The two of you may have been seeing each other on a regular basis, and you thought that things were going so well. And then suddenly, you don’t hear from him or her again. It leaves you wondering, what did I do wrong?
The big question about this issue is, why does it happen? It’s easy to put the blame on the person who did the ghosting, but, there are always two sides to a story. To understand it further, I interviewed several singles from different age groups, and here are some things I’ve learned about it.
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The Testing Phase
The first few interactions with someone you like, is what people call the “testing phase.” When two people feel a certain attraction, they do things together so they can start to get to know each other a little better. Although there seemed to have been some chemistry, at first, there are some things that can cause one to lose interest, and not want to continue a connection with you. It happens, and it is part of the dating game. But, people used to have the decency to end things properly, and not just disappear when they don’t want to see you anymore. -
Self Protection
Many of us are afraid of rejection. Some people choose to walk away even before it happens. When they feel that their chances are not that good with you, they simply stop talking to you, and move on to their next target. That way, they spare themselves of the humiliation when you turn them down. -
Turned-off
No matter how much a person seems attracted to you, if he or she finds something about you, that is either offensive, unacceptable or a complete turn-off, they can lose interest just like that. People these days are easily triggered by the most trivial things. But these ghosters won’t bother to tell you what made them want to leave. -
Lack of attention
There are times when two people who used to be so close, drift apart. This happens when one of them feels that the other no longer wants him or her around. The lack of attention makes him or her feel unwanted, therefore removes himself or herself from the picture. Again, relatioships are broken when things are left unsaid, -
You Got Dumped
When a lover who used to spend a lot of time with you, suddenly stops coming around and won’t even return your calls, then you have been ghosted. He or she may have found someone else, or he or she simply just wants to call it quits. -
Impatience
People spend time with you for a reason. Someone who likes you may be expecting some sort of development in your relationship. Maybe he or she wants to get more intimate, or would want to take your relationship to the next level. If they do not see this happening in the near future, then there is a chance that they stop trying, because they feel that it is a waste of time to continue things the way they are. Maybe you are contented with your relationship, but he or she wants something more, but fails to let you know what it is. -
Dating a Player
There are times that people who seem so into you suddenly lose interest. This could be because he or she has found someone new. The only problem is, they did not bother to tell you. Players are like that. They make you feel wanted and loved. But as soon as someone else catches their eye, they drop you like a hot potato. -
Low Self-esteem
When the one you are dating has low self-esteem, and you start to do things that intimidate, or make him or her feel inferior, then he or she will quickly accept that you are better off with someone else. This person’s insecurities will push him or her to distance from you. Ghosting happens when this person doesn’t have the guts to tell you why you are no longer part of his or her future plans. -
After sex
Sometimes, sex is all they really wanted. And when it’s done, things could change overnight. You may think that it could be because you were incompatible in bed, but, most of the time, when ghosting happens after sex, they just really wanted to get into your pants, and wasn’t looking for anything serious. -
Friendzoned
When you do not make things clear with someone about how you really feel, it would be easy for that someone to assume that there is something special going on between the two of you. But, the moment you tell them that you only want to be friends, he or she could disappear from your life, because that was not what he or she wanted from you. -
Lack of Communication
The real problem about ghosting is that there is no closure before the break-up. Whether it be a friendship, or a love affair, one is left wondering, what went wrong? I know it hurts. But, if this happens to you, do not feel any loss or regret. You have just dodged a bullet. You should be with someone who will stick with you no matter what, right? Maybe these “ghosts” are afraid of confrontations, or maybe they are just plain selfish. Whatever the reason they have, if they cannot look you in the eye and tell you it’s over, then they do not deserve your love or even a minute of your time.
